My Username is NOT a euphemism for services, it’s a distinction on my lack of bullshit, and a truthful accounting of my personality and style.
I only have slots on Monday's Tuesday’s & Friday's between 10am & 6pm
MILF MONDAY, TASTE ME TUESDAYS, & FUCK ME FRIDAY
£100 hour bookings, this does NOT include Anal..
Extra's I charge for:
Anal is an additional £50
Vaginal fisting is an additional £50 on any 1hr booking made.
Everything else is included in the price stated.
NO you WON’T get my address until the day of your appointment.
10am - 6pm ONLY.
I don’t want clients who want perfection, I want guys who enjoy tummy rolls, cellulite & stretch marks, who don’t care if I have chipped my nail polish, and who want to ruin my make up and give me bed head, slowly or fast I'm good with both.
CONTACTING ME.
I don't have time to answer calls, so TEXT ME, or leave an email here.
I do try to log on at least once a day.
So what I require from you
Bring your best self to our bookings. (This means, the 3 S's shit, shower and shave(if you shave.) AT HOME, then come see me. ( You can shower at mine, the facilities are here, I'll jump in with you if you ask, but taking a 30/40 min shower and expecting me to then give you an hour is rude, yes sadly there are people like that, so while I'm happy to accommodate a 5/10 min max clean up and provide the FULL time, anything beyond that comes out of your time, for solo showers, If I join you the appointment has started.)
I don’t mind bringing your mood up if you’ve had a shitty day, but be mindful that I am a person, not a machine, and things develop at different paces for different people, so it'll take me a few minutes to say hi to your illustrious self.
I’m a woman with experience, that means I'm old enough to know my myself, my worth, other peoples worth, and too old to put up with or take bullshit from anyone.
I have a screening process based on my own experience.
I’m exceptional at reading between the lines, and peoples intent behind the words.
So when you text me, trust me when I say I know the real guys from the dregs, and while I might drink them out the bottom of my coffee cup, I don’t drink them from society.
Manners, mutual respect & common courtesy are EXPECTED and GIVEN, unless you drop a bollock, all bets are off if that happens.
When you contact me, I need from you
Date:
Time:
How long you want to see me:
Where:
And an idea of what you want:
By that I mean, kissing, owo, cim, etc.
NOT a long list of your sexual fantasies typed up in excruciating detail, All that tells me is you're wasting my time, the result of that is a block/delete.
PRE-BOOKINGS - If you're pre-booking an appointment with me, you will need to text me on the morning of your booking before 9am to confirm you are still intending to attend. (And to get my details.)
IF you don’t confirm the booking, I will assume it’s no longer wanted and book over it. This applies to both new clients and my regulars.
There is a reason I don’t offer certain things, and that’s because it’s tedious - This does not mean text me asking for it.
If its NOT on the likes list I don't OFFER IT!
I do not work any other days than those stated & the green light is showing, I update my schedule frequently. I have other commitments on other days, so if you ask the answer will always be no.
INCALLS
My last booking is at 5pm, I don't work past 6pm, so don't ask.
Outcalls
I Do NOT offer Out-calls on In-call days.
Out-calls require a deposit by bank transfer at the time of booking the appointment.
Pre-booked only, I don't have time to be messing around, and trying to organise last minute.
Yes I am aware that gents have been scammed before, and there are some very unscrupulous people about, I am not one of them, and I'm not interested in messing around or being messed about. So it's your call, do it or don't.
If you message me asking me to make an exception to my rules just for you, because you have feedback, or you're not a "time waster" I will just block you, it's not a conversation, I will entertain.
ABOUT ME
My name is Tallie, and yes you can use it when you contact me.
I am still formatting this travesty(I'm not but it reads well)… so it’s a hot mess, which is kinda what I'm looking for in bookings 😜
My Username is NOT a euphemism for services, it’s a distinction on my lack of bullshit, and a truthful accounting of my personality and style.
I’m not quiet, or passive, I’m comfortable in my own skin, know I’ve got a mom bod, and I'm slutty.. if you thinking throwing them at me will upset me you’ve got the wrong female, so save the internet some bandwidth and take the "You're fat, You're a bitch, blah blah' bullshit elsewhere.
To be CLEAR, I won't entertain emails, texts etc, Trust me my fingers hit block & delete quicker than google comes up on your search engine.
I know that YOU have flaws, but I’m willing to make you feel like king of the world, if your willing to let me.
I’m a positive person in outlook, attitude & thoughts, albeit sprinkled with a very LARGE dash of sarcasm, blessed with quick thought processes, and I'm super quick on the comebacks and eye rolls. 😊
Don’t mistake me being nice or gentle with you for weakness.
My personality is all me, but my attitude depends entirely on you.
If you want to learn from me, Yes I’m talking to all you Gen Z’ers with a MILF fantasy, that’s fine with me… but have a little respect while you do it.
Being a millennial I’m reasonably good with txt spk. .. but too much and I’m likely to be sarcastic, so actual sentences please, K Tnx.
Gen X - I’m fluent in something a little more sedate with a bang at the end, and more than happy to age like a fine wine with you.
I have respect for ALL my clientele - but as I said I’m a millennial, so I’m as bat shit crazy as I am respectful.
Banter, sarcasm, and a whole lot of fun, filth & orgasms go into my bookings, or at least that's what I bring to the table.
Really need to add this here: I'M NOT SUBMISSIVE, I'm nice, and I fuck like a demon, and YUP I like you drilling me hard and fast once you're ready for that, BUT keep your hands on my hips or keep them gentle, because if you try and choke, grab me by the tits, yank my head back like I'm in the exorcist, slap me, (spanking on the ass is fine in doggy) or anything of the sort, I am highly likely to grab you by your balls, or smack you on the nose like a bad dog!
I'm not a SUB, I do NOT like being smacked about, and I absolutely will retaliate in kind.
I will let you lead the session if you're of that dominant mindset, and I will follow your lead, but mind your manners, I offer a GFE, NOT a PSE.
While this reads as aggressively forward, I promise I'm super cheerful, one of the nicest people you're likely to meet, and I have dimples you can jizz in, I just don't play well with people who want to waste my time. I promise I don't bite unless you ask nicely ;)
Expectations vs Reality
Pictures vs RL
My pictures are taken by me, I’m not overly vain, & 98.6% are unedited.
As I said: Mom Bod, and I’m good with that.
No my hair isn’t naturally blue/purple/silver/black or any of the rainbow colours I dye it with, I like changing it.
Yes I add eye definition with cumbrellas (false eyelashes, in videos), not always, but for pics yes.
No I don’t wear foundation, I can’t contour worth a damn. Don’t ask for FULL make up etc, it’s not going to happen, I like my skin to breathe and foundation doesn’t help that, occasionally it has spots & or the odd dark eyes. I do have some rich red lip tint if you want it all over your dick (and my teeth).
What I do edit in pictures
Bruises, I'm a clumsy fucker, Blemishes- so spots when they're the size of Mount Vesuvius, those are rare though.
Just to clarify the bruises: I’m not submissive, and I’m not a battered housewife, ask me the reason for them I’ll happily tell you all about my other job 😂. If bruises bother you, don't book me.
My wrinkly grampa forehead, growing old disgracefully has that added perk. I considered filler or botox but it’s not my thing, I do try not to raise my eyebrows in pics a LOT, which results in a lot of resting bitch face, but I promise I'm usually super cheerful, and have dimples you can jizz in. 😊
Porn VS Real life
Ah guys, you all know you watch it, and want to be the star of your own show, and there are amazing women out there who offer that - I'm NOT one of them.
I’m not a porn star, so here’s the deal:
Don’t try to get me on my knees and slam your dick as far down my throat as you possibly can within 10 minutes of meeting, and I won’t bite your dick. (Don't try testing me on this I will bite it.)
What I will do in return for you, is instead go at my pace, relax my throat and give you the best damn head you’ve had in a while, and it'll make you wonder why you thought fast and hard was the only option.
While my mouth drools like a faucet over a nice cock, guys I’m not a messy eater, dont get me wrong on an odd occasion I might dribble some for show, but don’t ask me for “sloppy” oral or to be spitting all over your dick, its not going to happen, I like my saliva lubricating my throat not all over my face, makes for better deepthoat and I don’t need to worry about it getting in my eyes.
Shaving VS Bush central
If you want your balls or arse licked.. shave/trim. (Seriously, I would've already flossed for the day, and don't need a ted talk)
I don’t mind bush central on top, let’s face it America had two in office and by all accounts they were both pricks, and we all know how much I love those.😀
5pm shadows.. they are ok, just don’t drag them across my flaps, I’m likely to hiss like a demon escaping from hell and Satan still loves me, so don’t be mashing your face on my delicates.
I won't rim anyone who is unshaven/untrimmed, and you have to wash your arse when you arrive, also don't shove your balls/arse in my face and expect me to know what that means (clearly I know) a lady likes to be asked.
Beards and clean shaven dudes, I’m likely to be grinding on you so hard you’ll probably visit Valhalla.
That said, if you prefer me to hover like Marty McFly, just say the word.😉
Anal in Porn Vs Anal in reality
What you don’t see on film is the preparation.
The Douche. To clean out any lurking lunch,
The butt plugs, or inflatables women stick up there ass before shooting to relax the sphincter.
The 5mls of lube syringed up there before so it glides in.
You see the dude spit on her dimpled Dimond and shove it up there… it's all very good editing, and looks like she can take a 4 inch thick 12 inch monster up her arse dry.
The reality is:
Preparation is key, or your gonna have shit on your dick, a bad smell, and she’s gonna be bruised if not a little bloody with a case of flatulence for the rest of the day, and worrying if she’s gonna shit her pants or on the next client when she orgasms. (It happens).
The Do's & Don't for Anal with ME:
DON'T try to go in dry, the only thing I will stomach dry is my great grandmas Christmas turkey, and even then... it's borderline.
ADVANCE NOTICE: 2 hrs so I can clean out any breakfast/lunch/dinner, I may have left in there.
ANAL PLAY FIRST: That doesn't mean start with one and jump to almost fisting me, My arsehole doesn't stretch like that.
LUBRICANT, LUBRICANT & MORE LUBRICANT: I will make you so slippery even the FBI won't be able to find you.
LET ME GUIDE IT: That saves you punching into my fartbox, like the hulk, and I don't need to feel like I should return the favour to your nose 😛
LENGTH is better than girth here, so if your GIRTHY... sorry but this isn't an episode of Ass Destruction on PH, and highly unlikely to happen, but my CUNT, loves a good wide boy in her.
Amazing thanks for review sounds like you had a good time 😊 . And for £100 these days bargain.